unfiltered unapologetic and unsure
Today is my birthday and at this point it really just is another day so I spent it at work. At three different times I got to the point where I wanted to yank my hair out because, let’s be honest, dealing with people is no easy task. During these almost-breaking points I had three different older gentlemen in my line and when I asked for their names they all three paused (causing me to look up) and smiled the most peaceful, truly beautiful smiles I have seen in awhile. Seen since….well, I’ll get to that. At all three different points, after each of the three different gentlemen’s long pause, they all answered, “Jim,” never breaking eye contact. My Grandpa’s name. My breath caught. I swear my heart stopped beating. And I cannot remember the last time I felt that peaceful. It came in a wave, washed over me and my spine started to tingle and my mind just went blank. Blinking back my tears each time I replied, “Thank you,” and I swear I saw that twinkle in each of their eyes as my grandfather had in his. I have to believe there is a god, whoever he is, where ever he is, because he let me have my grandpa back for my birthday for however brief of moments they were. He let me see my grandfather’s smile - the one that calmed my always troubled self. I have to believe he’s still with us because I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for his spirit silently guiding me along.
Love you, missing you, as always.@3 months ago